hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
