We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
