Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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