just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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