no, he came in my armpit
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
