This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
