She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
and you fell through a lawn chair
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
