Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
