I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
