I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
