Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
