I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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