How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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