Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
