He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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