i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
