Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just saw a hot homeless man
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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