i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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