i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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