i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
