Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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