I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
