its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
