I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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