I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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