then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Randomize
