Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
