I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
