Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
