oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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