Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
