My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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