Your dad touched me again.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
