You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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