I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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