Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
