Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
