Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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