if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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