i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
