I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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