I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
if only i could text you this smell
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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