i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
