You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
