ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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