hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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