This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
