fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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