Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
