The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I am available for nakedness
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
