I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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