i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I stole a fireplace last night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
