it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
